August 22, 2005 - Loneliness

It was a long drive today, mostly on very long stretches of interstate highway, through the dessert. I was strangely calm throughout the many hours behind the steering wheel. But, as I approached the end of today’s drive, I found myself uncomfortable instead of relieved. As I entered Reno and then Carson City, a wave of loneliness swept over me. This was strange considering that the major change was going from vast expanses of emptiness to the crowdedness of the city. Having thousands of people surrounding me provided no comfort; rather, it brought on sadness.

I found the mountain road leading to Lake Tahoe. As I climbed up the curving road into the Evergreens, I calmed significantly. Suddenly, the trees stepped back and revealed Lake Tahoe. I found the first opportunity to pull over and wandered down to the water. The waves were sweeping over the rocks and the sun rays were skipping on the water. There was comfort in this.


I watched for a long time the water move over the rocks. There was one boulder in particular that peeked up over the level of the water. As the waves moved about, they would glide over this rock effortlessly. There was no sense of intimidation in the water from the immovable rock. The waves just made there way gracefully. Just as the waves did not defer to the heaviness of the rock, there was a playful dog who never hesitated to jump into the water over and over again to retrieve his toy (his human friend just kept on throwing it in). This dog made peace with the water and therefore it held no hostility for him. Perhaps that is the crux…to be at peace with that which can be so hostile.