PHOTOS TO FOLLOW, I PROMISE

Sometimes it is true that you can’t teach old dogs new tricks. But, what happens when the old dog can’t remember his own old tricks? It has been a while since I have taken call at the hospital. This past weekend was my first call as an attending. I remember when I was a resident and fellow, I phoned the on-call attending quite often with questions. What happens when I become that attending? I’m happy to report, all patients are alive and accounted for. It was a busy weekend, especially Saturday. Breathing is such a basic task; yet, some babies are just pretty darn bad at it.
It’s been an interesting and challenging transition from fellow to attending. I do get a different pager. I now carry a long-range pager which I carry when I’m on-call now. I get to leave the hospital while some poor sap is stuck watching shop. But, when that poor sap calls for help, I’ve got to come running, hopefully with a bag full of answers.

Chinese New Year is a great holiday. You usually don’t get out of school or work, unless it falls on a Sunday like this year. But, you get to eat yummy food, hopefully with loved-ones. Being able to take call from outside of the hospital allowed for that. I joined my parents, sister, aunt, uncle, and cousins for a Chinese New Year “snack” which was a pleasure. We so rarely gather calmly like this…everyone is usually running full speed in different directions. Despite being ignorant of the true meanings and rituals of this holiday, I enjoy it immensely. We celebrate it in Cheng-Chen style…2 to 3 courses more than anyone could possibly eat which means left-overs for me for a week. So, I guess a big part of celebrating Chinese New Year is not having to cook for a week. I love my family and I love food. It’s wonderful that the two so often fit together so nicely.

So happy new year…this year of the dog for everyone. Hopefully it will be the year of the dog for me as well.

(Photos to Follow)

The biomechanics are terrible! It must be tough to have an extra 20 pounds of jelly strapped to your midsection. I take that back. It must be excruciating! Then again, it is one of the most wonderful things to celebrate.

Annie and Fred are expecting an addition to their family quite soon. I haven’t gotten to see them very often since they moved up to Connecticut a little while back. So, every few months, Annie and Fred make the journey down to New Jersey. Having a good chunk of time pass between each visit makes the changes that much more obvious.

There was a lot of smiling and laughing going on that day. Put very good friends together and that happens naturally. But, what doesn’t happen by itself is the preparation that goes into placing that gathered group of people amongst beautiful decorations and delicious food. Evelyne and Alan were wonderfully generous hosts and my belly thanks them for that.

Dawn and Marc had gotten a head start on Annie and Fred. They got married a few weeks after Annie and Fred, but they were quick out of the gates in building their family. Little Lily Jude is seven months old now and has brought an indescribable amount of joy to this World. It is always wonderful to see Lily. But I think she accomplished another feat on this past winter Saturday…she gave a little hint of the joy that the future holds for Annie and Fred.

For my first baby shower, I think I did okay. I didn’t get to eat delicate cucumber finger sandwiches nor did I sip tea. I did get to “ooh” and “ahhh” as Annie and Fred opened up their gifts. And, maybe, just maybe, I giggled once.

Dogs are the noblest of creatures. That has always been my belief. The Bhutanese believe that dogs should be respected because they are next in line to be reincarnated as humans. I think the Bhutanese may have gotten the order backwards.
I was lucky enough to have a dog as a friend when I was a child. He was loyal, gentle, caring, protective, and patient. I did everything to prove that I did NOT deserve any of that. In the ignorance of my childhood, I took all of that for granted, appreciating these virtues only when it was too late. That was a long time ago.

Fred is a dog who just doesn’t understand how big he really is. He tips the scales at way over 100 pounds of Rottweiler but still tries to squeeze under small tables. Invariably, the lower half of him is left sticking out in plain sight. Fred possess all of the virtues that I described above…he is the textbook dog.

For this past long weekend, his human friend (and good friend of mine), Matt, hit the road for a vacation involving boards and snow. I had the good fortune of being charged with the duty of looking after Fred. It was, perhaps, a test-run for me to see if I have grown enough to take on the responsibility of caring for another dog. Despite Fred’s enormous size, he is so well-behaved that this would be a test under the best-case scenario. We took walks around my townhouse complex, visiting with the other neighborhood dogs and finding places to pee as well as poo. I learned the skill of the plastic bag poo grab and the ice on the ground helped to solidify that which I was grabbing. The best-case scenario didn’t hold up and we got hit with some of the worst weather in a while. Sleet falls sideways and we suffer. Though with Fred, it was always still a fun outing.

On the last day of my adventure with Fred, I came to the sad conclusion that life has not reached the level of stability that would allow me the privilege of having a dog. I left for work at 7 am. Before that, Fred and I took a quick walk to allow him to do his business. It was over ten hours later when I reached home again. Throughout the day, I was plagued with the horrible image of Fred’s bladder stretching. I’m familiar with the excruciating discomfort of “having to hold it”. I think there are very few legitimate reasons to speed on the roads but anything related to the bladder would count in my book. I rushed home to find Fred wagging the stumpy remains of his tail, happy to see me, but desperate to get outside. I grabbed his leash and we headed for the grass where I experienced an incredible display of bladder capacity. Fred had held it for the entire day. I saw it as yet another sign of the humility of dogs…Fred refrained from that horrible inclination to relieve himself all day because he knew that that would disappoint me. I, on the other hand, let him down for leaving him to suffer like that. Once again, I was undeserving.

Perhaps one day, I’ll have a job that will let me work from home (or at least shorter hours). Perhaps one day, I’ll have a job where I can constantly be at the side of a dog. Perhaps one day, I’ll have a home where a dog can run about freely. Perhaps one day, I’ll meet someone who can be a partner in life (she’d have to like dogs, of course), including helping to give a dog the attention deserved. Perhaps, I’ll keep on hoping…

It has been a year since “A” and I went our separate ways. Looking back to when I started this travel, I’m not sure if I was running away or running towards something. The one certainty was that there was much “unknown” in my life.

I’ve touched many corners of the World over the last six months and many individuals have touched my life. It is quite amazing how that can happen, despite having no common language or even background. There has been much kindness shown to me and I hope that I have done an adequate job in returning the favor.

Tomorrow is the start of a new chapter in my life. I start my career as a Pediatric Rehabilitation physician. I’ve been training with this goal for the past decade, since finishing college. The past two years have been dedicated to learning my trade as a Pediatric Rehabilitation fellow. The difference now is that the safety net is gone. I’ve got no more mentors to supervise and keep me from stepping off the wrong ledge. The problem in my profession is that if I step off that ledge, I take unsuspecting people with me. To be quite honest, I’m scared. The past six months have expanded my mind in so many ways. The World is a little less mysterious now. But, it has done very little to prepare me for tomorrow’s adventure.

But what have I taken away from these experiences? I’ve learned that there is a very large difference between “want” and “need”. I’ve seen such severe poverty. But, I’ve also learned that poverty and happiness are not mutually exclusive, just as wealth does not always bring happiness. I’ve seen natural beauty that has been destroyed by our footsteps as well as desolate places made beautiful through the strength of communities. There have been no hard and fast rules.

Now that I am home, am I in the same or a different place? There is no doubt in my mind that I am in a different place. The question is whether or not that place is better. I’ve been fortunate to have made many new friendships, but have damaged some dear ones along the way. I’ve learned so much but have let much knowledge (such as medical information) slip back into some recesses of my mind. I’ve discovered new goals for the future but have let some dreams go.

The first obvious change tomorrow morning will be the different “costume” that I will be wearing. It has been a long time since I have worn a tie and uncomfortable shoes.

I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to wander a bit outside of my usual neighborhood. But, I am even more thankful for the family and friends who have welcomed me home. I hope I will deserve to have them with me as I continue on this journey.